The Monster Mash Birthday Wish List

For those of you that have never seen Monster Mash, this is an actual portrait of him.

Since it is our site's founder's birthday, I took it upon myself to compile a list of things that Monster Mash will most likely wish for when he is blowing, ummmm...out candles to his cake. Yeah, that's the ticket! Here is the list in no specific order:

• That police loosen up those laws on "hanging out in the park" after hours.


• Al Davis dies, Bill Gates buys the Raiders and gets Drew Brees, Andre Johnson, Chris Johnson, Derrell Revis, Bart Scott, and Dallas Clark to all join the team.


• Coach Calipari wins 5 titles during his time at UK and NOTHING gets vacated.


• Fenway park collapses and the entire Red Sox team perishes during BP.


• Rich Rodriguez gets fired from Michigan at the end of the season and Charlie Strong becomes the head coach at Michigan. Louisville football is then headed up by the head coach at EKU.


• Somebody invents a real solution to the hair loss problem that plagues him.


• A-Rod stops over in Louisville and takes MM out for a nice seafood dinner at Red Lobster. And never calls him again.


• Rick Pitino signs a lifetime contract and he continues to sink the Cardinal basketball program into the darkest depths as the STD's infect his brain. He then marries Karen Sypher while she is imprisoned at makes constant conjugal visits, neglecting his coaching duties.

There you have it fans. The birthday wish list. If anyone else has any ideas of what he may wish for, please feel free to add them in the comments section.

Happy Birtday!!!