The State of Florida is Nuts

When I was working my way through college at UPS I used to listen to Love Line every night on my way in to work. Adam Carolla used to play a hilarious game called "Florida or Germany". In this game he would read an absurd news story or laws and ask the audience if the story was about Florida or Germany. It's pretty sad when your state is competing with Germany for the weirdest place on planet earth.

So, in honor of Mr. Corolla and the UK at Florida game on Saturday, I have compiled a list of things that proves that Florida is the armpit of America and is a completely degenerate state. Unless you count Mississippi.

Laws: Every state has dumb laws but these are some of the dumbest I have seen.

• It's illegal to be within 6 feet of a customer during a lap dance


• You can only paint your fence white


• The penalty for hitting a pedestrian is a $78 dollar fine


• It's illegal to go downtown without $10


• It's illegal to set off a nuclear bomb in a city park


• It's illegal to molest trash cans in Daytona


• It's illegal to dress like a slut while selling hot dogs


• It's illegal to fart after 6 p.m.

Germany or Florida: You can actually play "Germany or Florida" at this website. Enjoy!

Florida Political Fun Time!: One of Florida's most outspoken and often quoted politicians is Republican Representative Michelle Bachman. Here are some of her greatest hits:

• "I wish the media would take a great look at the views of Congress and find out: Are they pro-American or anti-American?" Hmmmm...sounds like McCarthyism


• "I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out under another Democratic president, Jimmy Carter. I'm not blaming this on president Obama, I just think it's an interesting coincidence." No, you are blaming swine flu on Democrats.


• "During the last 100 days we have seen an orgy. The government spent it's wad by April 26." She is comparing fiscal spending to group sex. Nice.


• "Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful but there isn't one study that can be produced to show that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas." Really? Do us all a favor and close yourself in your garage, roll down your windows, start the engine and conduct a study.


• "There are hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel Prizes, that believe in Intelligent Design." Now she is just lying. And the fact that this woman exists totally disproves "Intelligent" Design.

I think we all get the picture with this. Even Florida's politicians are nut jobs. And who can forget the 2000 election fiasco? I won't go into all of the details on that one but everyone knows about Florida effing up the election that led to multiple recounts and then to 8 years of Bush. So, thanks for the Iraq war, the deficit, the recession and all of those awesome Bush quotes.

The Football Team: I cannot hate on the football programs success. Ever since Urban Meyer took over the Gators have won 2 national titles and have won all but one bowl games. But what I can hate on is their arrest record. The Meyer era has had 30 arrests under it's tenure at Florida. The latest was receiver Chris Rainey when he texted his female friend that he was going to kill her. Sounds like Tim Tebow hasn't rubbed off on everybody. No wonder they beat everybody on the field, they are prison strong.

The Basketball Team: Billy Donovan looks like Eddy Munster. That's a fact. He has won back to back national championships. That's a fact. It's also a fact that his teams have been to multiple NITs since those titles and he has been unable to duplicate their success. Hey Billy, don't you wish you would have come to UK now? Oh, yeah! Remember this guy? And this guy?

That's a lot of Florida hatred and dumbness. What does this have to do with the football game on Saturday? Absolutely nothing. Kentucky hasn't beaten Florida since 1986 and we have to take shots at them any way we can. Hopefully we can take a shot at them and win on Saturday. Actual game analysis and predictions tomorrow. Until then, Free Enes.