Tuesday, March 1, 2011

A Man Called Jorts



It is Senior Day in the Bluegrass and because of the lone senior the Wildcats have, the name has been changed to Jorts Day. Let us examine this enigmatic figure that the Big Blue Nation has so lovingly dubbed Jorts.

UK Beginnings- Josh came to UK as a transfer from South West Illinois College. He had his choice of schools: Indiana, Iowa, Iowa State, his home state of Missouri, Ohio State and St. Louis. He picked the Cats over all of them saying, "The Big 10 is for slow, white guys. I'm an athlete and I'm a superstar. Athletes and superstars don't go to places like that." Explaining why he didn't choose St. Louis: "Aren't they called the Bilikens? What the hell is a Biliken?"*

The Gillispie Years- Josh had some hard times under head coach Billy Gillispie at UK. His 2008-2009 season only saw one start against Arkansas. His best game that year was a win against Florida where he scored 11 points.

But he will not be remembered for his play that season. Billy G became so frustrated with Josh's play that he was made to sit by himself in a bathroom stall while the rest of the team had a meeting. Former teammate Mark Krebs said it was one of the funniest things he had ever seen. Josh was also reportedly told he had to ride in the back of the equipment van on a trip home from a game but his teammates interceded and said they would ride with him. Josh was allowed back on the bus. This story has not been confirmed. But Jorts was quoted as saying, "Billy Clyde is one crazy mother %&*#@!"

This is when people started noticing his affection for jean shorts, or "jorts". Jorts became his nickname and the rest is history. It is also a known fact that Monster Mash also used to have a fetish for jorts. The clothing, not the man.


Cal's First Year: An interlude of Darkness- When Gillispie was fired for being a drunken moron and an awful basketball coach, John Calipari road into Lexington to save the day. Coach Cal brought the swagger back along with John Wall, DeMarcus Cousins and Eric Bledsoe, three superstars that would change the future of Kentucky basketball.

With this new coach and this new system of play, nobody was sure if Jorts would remain on the team or if he would be given his walking papers. He wasn't exactly the prototype for Calipari's dribble-drive offense. Other players from that team, Michale Porter, A.J Stewart, Kevin Galloway, Landon Slone, Adam Delph and a host of others, were given their walking papers. Jorts made the final cut and joined what would be a very talented team.

But he did not see the floor very often. He played in 22 games, averaged 1.3 points and 1.2 rebounds a game. He played behind DeMarcus Cousins and Daniel Orton in the center spot. His status as a UK Wildcat was still up in the air as was his dreams of ever making a contribution.
The highlight of that season was getting another nickname from Boogie: Big Britain.

2010-2011 Part One: Confusion- The next season was still filled with questions. Enes Kanter was supposed to come into Lexington and be a stud at the five spot. Eloy Vargas, another JUCO transfer like Jorts and a top 50 prospect, was supposed to be Kanter's back up. This pushed Jorts back to third string for the second straight season.

Josh was also banned from Twitter by John Calipari for criticizing the head coach for not praising him. It also almost led to his dismissal from the team and could have changed the events of the Universe for the worse.

But then, the amazing happened...

2010-2011 Part Two: The Breakout- Enes Kanter was ruled permanently ineligible and Eloy Vargas turned out to be soft. Jorts was named the starter and he finally had his chance. He averaged 3.8 points and 8.4 rebounds per game in his first 5 regular season contests. He wasn't lighting the world on fire, but he was getting the job done especially on the boards.

He recorded his first double digit game of the season against North Carolina, scoring 12 points. And then a few games later, it happened. Against hated arch rival Louisville, Jorts put up 23 points and 14 rebounds in a deciding victory over the hated Dirty Birds.

He became the bane of the Card's existence much like Boogie had the year before. He proved to Mike Marra and Kyle Kuric that he was the best white boy on the court and don't you dare try to challenge that. The victory solidified the Legend of Jorts in the Bluegrass.

2010-2011: To Be Continued- At this point in the season Jorts is averaging 6.6 points a game and 8.9 rebounds. His third nickname is the "Mother Hen" because of his leadership skills and the way he controls the offensive flow from the inside while he is in the game.

He is playing the bulk of the minutes in games much like Freshman phenom Brandon Knight. He finally got his chance and he has excelled to say the least. He has become a rebound magnet and always seems to be in the right place at the right time to attract loose balls.

Part of his story ends tonight as he celebrates his final game at Rupp. There will be denim galore and tears will be shed as the Lone Senior takes the court. Hopefully, Jorts can put up Louisville game numbers and get a big home win against a ranked foe.

The story is still not over. There is an SEC tournament to play and the NCAA tournament. The Legend is not finished. He still has time to finish etching his face on the UK Mount Rushmore along with Dan Issell, Kenny Walker, Jarad Carter, Jeff Shepard, Patrick Patterson and Gimel Martinez.

We love you Jorts. Cats beat Vandy 68-62.

*Any quotes attributed to Josh Harrellson are totally made up by me.

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