Thursday, March 24, 2011

Know Your Enemy: Ohio State Buckeyes

It's not the biggest game ever. But it's pretty damn important. I don't hate Ohio State's basketball team but I HATE their football team. I will transfer some of that hate towards Jared Sullinger and his cronies just in time for tip off tomorrow night.

Ohio State Buckeyes:

Location- Columbus, Ohio

Enrollment- 56, 064 annoying football fans

Famous Alumni- R.L. Stine (author of the "Goosebumps" series), Richard Lewis, Dwight Yoakam, Bobby Knight, Greg Oden (did not graduate), Maurice Clarrett (did not graduate), George Steinbrenner, Santonio Holmes (don't click this one. just sayin')

Everything you Need to Know about Ohio State- Jared Sullinger and these other two thirteen year old girl wannabes can tell you:

Things they Tell Recruits-

  • "If you play for us we can hook you up with a sweet deal on some tattoos. Just don't let the NCAA find out! (Wink)"
  • "Hell yes there is lots to do in Ohio! We have the Browns and the Bengals...Hey wait! Where are you going!!???"
  • (Take 2) "Hell yes there is lots to do in Ohio! You can catch LeBron playing in Cleveland! What? He went where? Mother F**er!"
  • "Sorry, only the football players get to test drive the Escalades at the local car dealerships and then keep them later. Did I just say keep them? I meant return them. Silly me!"
  • "No it's not true that Bobby Knight still roams around the campus looking for players to beat up and throw stuff at. He still does that at IU."

Most famous Sports Moment- A Buckeye is just a terrible mascot:

Reasons Why Kentucky will beat them Friday-

  • Josh Harrellson doesn't sing Miley Cyrus songs. He makes love to her and then she sings songs about him.
  • Brandon Knight is waaaaay better than this "dude".
  • DeAndre Liggins has the cure for Diebler Fever.
  • They shoot threes well. We shoot threes well. Our defense will limit their threes.
  • Terrence Jones is about to Man Up.
  • UK is 0-5 against OSU in the tournament. We are due.

It's a little over 24 hours to game time and I am about as excited for this basketball game as I have been for one all year. I think this trumps the excitement over the Louisville game because this means so much more. Everybody is picking the Buckeyes, they are the #1 team and the overall #1 seed and this is for the Elite Eight.

Nobody is giving the Cats a shot. Let's get it done.

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