Tuesday, April 20, 2010

University of Louisville News of the Day

"We are going to pay top dollar to open a new arena, get a sub-par product and a lackluster performance from a coach that had his best days at our rival school! HOOORAAAYYYY!!"


Yes my friends, there is Louisville news today and it's not all bad! Well, some of it maybe.

2 Sam maybe be going into the NBA:

As reported yesterday by Monster Mash, Louisville center Samardo Samuels may be going to the NBA draft. Samuels is allegedly quoted as saying, "I am looking forward to showing GM's across the NBA my total repertoire of skills." Two things are fishy about this statement: #1 The source in which SamSam said this quote is not revealed; #2 I doubt SamSam would use a word like "repertoire" in his statement.

Louisville is now admitting that he is going to "test the waters" which is contrary to yesterday's statement that he is not going at all. His Jamaican team is adamant that the center is going to go into the draft. Samuels needs to stay and work on his game. He is not NBA ready. Plus, I want to see Enes Kanter make him his little girl at KFC Yum! Center next season.

UofL's sporting facilities are detrimental to America's health:

The Louisville Cardinals football team plays in a pizza box and the basketball team plays in a bucket of chicken. There is an obesity epidemic in this country that is largely due to America's over-consumption of fast food. The University of Louisville is now personally responsible for promoting heart disease and little fat kids all over these wonderful United States. I have a few suggestions for some health conscious new names for their facilities:

Jared's Subway Eat Fresh Facility

Kirstie Alley's Jenny Craig Compound

Chrish Berman's Nutrisystem Field

Nature's Finest Granola Bar Stadium

Rick Pitino's House of Ill Repute

Ok, so that last one had nothing to do with health food or weight loss, but Rick Pitino deals in the flesh trade part time for suplimental income so he can continue paying the substantial debt that he owes to Tim Sypher. Any one of these names would be a huge improvement over the unhealthy names to these places of athletic competition.

Marquis Teague will announce that he is going tom Kentucky at 1:30 p.m. on Thursday

I'm just kidding. I really have no idea where the kid is going and neither does anyone else. The Teague question is one of the biggest mysteries in all of college basketball recruiting. What it is that we do know for sure is that he is going to go to either UK or UofL. Your guess is as good as mine where he ends up.

Scenario if he chooses the Dirty Cards: Rick Pitino saves some face in recruiting after 2 lackluster years and the loss of Chandler from Friends. He deals Calipari a rare loss in the recruiting wars and then celebrates with a bottle of cheap wine and some hookers from the Body Shop. Cards fans exhale in a collective sigh of relief and then they will again boast about how the 2011 team will be the greatest team ever assembled in the history of the NCAA.

Scenario if he chooses the illustrious Wildcats: Coach Calipari firmly establishes himself as the best recruiter in the country, a title he already has, and Ricky P is left at the alter by another recruit, diminishing his skills on the recruitment front and further pushing him into the shadows as a force in college basketball. UK fans will puff their chests and proclaim their superiority over their main rival. The Cats will then be poised to take the honors as the #1 class in 2011.

That's all the news on the Cardinal front today. Keep coming back to Sportsthat for more Cardinal drama as SamSam makes his decision, Pitino faces off against Karen Sypher and Teague gives his final answer.

Side note: If the UofL fans are offended by my UofL reporting then one of our UofL writers needs to step to the plate and start reporting. Until then, expect more smart-ass reporting and biased analysis. Have a lovely day.



2 comments:

  1. So let me get this straight:

    UL fans on the Insidetheville forum talking about UK=pathetic.

    You constantly writing derogatory posts about UL based on nothing but your own biases and half-baked ideas=job well done.

    That seems a little bit hypocritical.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I write 80% of my stories about UK and this website is about all sports, not just UK. Insidetheville is a site that is supposed to be dedicated solely to Louisville but a great number of their posts, sometimes it seems like a majority, focus on UK and their jealousy and hatred towards them. Planetredhoops is even worse. If you look at KSR, a UK website, or Sea of Blue, Louisville is rarely mentioned. Maybe once or twice a week, depending on if there is any news concerning UofL.

    Again, I will repeat my statement in my post: If the UofL fans are offended by my UofL reporting then one of our UofL writers needs to step to the plate and start reporting. Until then, expect more smart-ass reporting and biased analysis. Have a lovely day.

    We are supposed to blog about all sports and all teams. I know UofL fans probably get sick of MM and I doing UK articles so I decided to do a little UofL reporting. I thought that maybe my story would motivate our UofL authors.

    ReplyDelete