Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Is the John Wall Dance the Greatest Dance Ever?

For about a year now the John Wall Dance has been popping up everywhere since #11 from Kentucky did that famous arm motion while being introduced at Big Blue Madness. It's been done by Joe B. Hall, John Calipari, a redneck hunter, the legendary Magic Johnson, Hines Ward, and some guy on Cougar Town. Not only has it sparked a dance craze, it has also given birth to two pretty awesome songs; Yiggy Yes Yallin' by T-Rev and Do the John Wall by Troop 41.

With a simple arm motion becoming one of the most imitated motions of all time, one must ask the question: is this the greatest dance ever? I think it should be considered in the discussion as well as the following dances:

The Mashed Potato- A dance that was made popular in the 50's and 60's that consists of moving your feet inward and outward and swinging your arms to and fro. There were many songs that declared "Do the Mashed Potato" during those difficult, nerdy and extremely Caucasian times. Luckily it died out with Lucky Strike cigarettes and Dapper Dan Hair Treatment.

The Monster Mash- The namesake of our websites founder is not so much a dance as it is a dumb song that people listen to every Halloween. It's officially the only real Halloween song. There aren't any steps to it. It's just silly.

The Soulja Boy- You couldn't go anywhere without somebody doing this ridiculous dance about three years ago. A dance where one pretends to rev a motorcycle's handle bars, and move from side to side. There is also a step that instructs one to "Super Man that hoe". No, it does not mean to act like you are flying around with Lois Lane by your side. If you are really curious to find out what it means you can look it up on This dance went the way of the Do-Do Bird and if you start doing it teenagers will look at you as if you were a leper.

The Macarena- Ahhhhh...the late 90's. Was there any period of history other than the present where people were dumber? A dance craze was started at this time period that consisted of simple arm motions and a little turn around jump. Mix in some Spanish that nobody understands and English lyrics that sound like they are being sung by your annoying 10 year old niece and, viola! You have an international obsession. The Macarena was done at stadiums across the globe and was a fixture in Carson Daily's TRL. Everybody loved doing it because even the worst dancers on the planet could do it. I am looking at you Czech Republic.

The Dougie- Our next dance is brought to you by Cali Swag District and is this year's version of the Soulja Boy. "Teach me how to Dougie" has become the dance cry of 2010. And can somebody please teach me how to Dougie? I have watched the video a million times and I can't do it. I know it consists of "Brushin yo hair" and "Brushin yo shouldas off" but it just looks like a bunch of convulsions to me. I attempted to do the Dougie at a party and people mocked me. Maybe John Wall and Boogie can help me. I imagine this dance will soon play itself into oblivion.

The Hustle- The 70's was a time of free love, disco and cocaine usage. The dance that accompanied this decade was the Hustle. You needed a partner to do the Hustle, something that has been lacking in our previous entries. I guess the idea was to get a partner, do the Hustle for a bit, go to the bathroom to load up on some coke and then go home and "Super Man that hoe". This dance met it's demise when the historic Disco Demolition Night took place at old Comisky Park in Chicago Illinois.

The Swop- The last dance on our list also requires a partner. Make sure that A). You really like this person and you can life off a little rough play; or B). You really hate this person and you want an excuse to get into a further altercation. This dance was introduced to us by the Great DeMarcus Cousins during the UK/UofL basketball game last season. All it really takes is for your partner to roll around on the ground with you, knee you in the head and then you retaliate by elbowing them in the grill. Do once then repeat.

There you have it folks. The list of the greatest dances of all time. Will the JWD stand the test of time or will it fade away like some of the dances mentioned? All I know for sure is that right now it's the biggest dance going. Thank you John Wall. Thank you.

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