Worst. Halftime Show. Ever.

I didn't really care about the Super Bowl. I hate the Steelers and I don't like the Packers, so I guess I was happy with the outcome by default. I was kind of watching the game while drinking a lot at a Super Bowl party. The game was interesting to watch and I was at least glad of the mild entertainment. And then the halftime show happened and fury gripped my soul.

To be honest I hate the Black Eyed Peas. I feel their brand of "music" is mindless, sou less, and represents the worst in our culture. It's made easily, easy to consume, instantly gratifying, and easily forgotten. In a way, their music group is tearing this country apart. Needless to say I wasn't very excited when it was announced that they were to be the halftime entertainment.

They came to the stage from ropes from the sky and they were dressed like gay robots. They were unable to utilize autotune and whatever diabolical devices that make their voices sound the way they do on the radio and their true talents were exposed during the live show. They couldn't sing and there was nothing there to hide that. Sure, they had a ton of distractions, smoke and mirrors, people dressed in tight illuminated leotards, and even legendary Guns N' Roses guitarist Slash to hide the fact that they sucked.

The low light was when Fergie sang "Sweet Child 'O Mine" while Slash jammed away with his guitar. I think I could actually see his soul leaving his body as he played along to the screeching of that harpy beside him. It was truly awful and it may have been the worst thing that I have ever heard. I hope they payed him well.

Everyone at the party was either laughing, crying, puking or trying to jam blunt objects into their ears. I actually saw an old man on oxygen take off his oxygen mask in an attempt at suicide. His daughter put the mask back on him and whispered lovingly into his ear, "It'll be over shortly." If she would have allowed him to follow through, then it would have been over shortly for good and he would not have to suffer the indignity of knowing who the Black Eyed Peas are and having their music burned into his memory for the duration of whatever time remains for him.

And Christina Aguilera butchered the National Anthem by leaving out lines. I was waiting for George Washington to run over her in his Dodge Charger but it didn't happen.