An open letter to a UK line beard

It was a tough Saturday and an unsurprising one at that. Kentucky took an early lead to see it vanish and find themselves down for the majority of the game. The Cats staged a come back and pushed the game into a back-and-forth style. However, they then turned the ball over three times in the final four possessions, while Vanderbilt made their free throws and gave Kentucky their 5th SEC loss 81-77.

What's worse is that the Cards won against #13 Syracuse 73-69. But in order to save the best of a bad Kentucky fan weekend, I hope to offer a little advice to one of Kentucky's finest, Josh Harrellson. 'Jorts' as Harrellson has become known, is currently becoming dangerously close to a line beard - which is only tolerated in Louisville - and I use this post, and these words to compel Josh to rid the face of the beard and Louisville connection.

Mr Josh 'Jorts' Harrellson,

I hope this letter finds you well, or at least in a better stage than what it leaves my finger tips while typing. My heart is broken. My beloved Cats beleaguered by road losses. My mind stifles through possible outcomes and 'what-if' scenarios for the remainder of the season.

Normally in times of turmoil, I look to the cult of lowly Louisville Cardinal fanatics, encased in the tribulations and literal trials of Rick Pitino and their players. Their below par performances and clown tattoos. Their losses comforting our losses and the thought that 'at least Big Blue nation isn't Louisville.'  But with their losses being minimal and ours mounting high, I cannot find the same alleviation of pain.

So I look for relief from you Mr Harrellson. While my heart sunk and my expectations tempered during the loss at Vanderbilt, I was encompassed with distraught, distracted and harassed by the presence of your facial hair Josh.

Normally I am not a proponent of such hair prohibition. I find the rules regulating the use of razors preposterous. Facial hair is a way of self expression and the showing of personality. But yours Josh was and is different. It is dangerously close to a line beard. The same method of jaw enunciation that is fancied by the rival to the north (and west) - Louisville. Your predecessors of line beards before you are vast and douche filled.

I request Mr Harrellson that you employ your favored apparatus of facial hair removal and relinquish your line beard. Be it razor, scissors, Nair, or tweezers -  it would be appreciated.

If I am to live with losses, I do not want to live with more than game losses by losing our dignity. Let us leave that to the Dirty Birds. Leave the mockery to Louisville. Cease mutual ownership and allow them to control it solely.

If I am successful in my petition, I will find that the loss to the Commodores of Vanderbilt will be of use. If by losing we restore the name (and face) of Kentucky basketball to it's rightful position and stature, it is completely worth it.

In advance, I simply say - Thank you Josh. . Thank you.

Sincerely,

MonsterMash.